We don't know what we're doing...

...but we do the best we can. The Hero and I planned for a really long time to have a baby. Its not like you don't get several months warning that soon you'll be in possession of a tiny humanoid in need of anything a humanoid needs. You're well aware that you're going to be the one responsible for providing those things. But the day comes, you're handed this adorable squishy bundle of screams and snuggles and you're just supposed to kick into gear and start Parenting.

   Oh they have their ways of teaching you the best way to accomplish this Parenting. There's magazines, books telling you what to expect, what to do, how to schedule, how to train your baby, how to make your child a genius before they're 3 months old, how to make your baby read at 5 weeks, what you're doing wrong and why, on and on, you can spend a ton of money to become a master of Parenting before your embryo has even snuggled in for the 9 month ride.

   I'm not saying you shouldn't prepare yourself a little bit, its kinda a big deal, but I think setting huge and crazy expectations by trying to apply everyone else's experience to your own can cause you to miss your own experience, or at least be rudely surprised when it doesn't become what you were prepared for. I think we've robbed ourselves of the confidence that under all the iGadgets, data plans, cars, homes, malls, degrees and dollars, we're still just mammals. We're still just creatures, we are born, we live, sometimes we procreate, and we die. We have this fantastic thing called Instincts. These Instincts are supposed to help with this Parenting thing, but for some reason we tend to discredit them. We've even invented these people to help us discredit them, we call them Experts. So the Experts say "don't listen to your Instincts, those are for the uncivilized, they make you bad Parents." and we listen. Or we did for a while...

   But somewhere along the way we thought "Shouldn't parenting just be what's right for us? Who knows that better than us? Who's to say that what works for them or them or even them is going to be best for our family? Can't we just do what keeps us happy and healthy and leave it at that? And more importantly can we remember that what works for us may not work for everyone else?" So we started to make our own plan. Sure, we still listened to Experts, but for every Expert there is an equal and opposite Expert, so we just started to consider ourselves experts on our own lives.

Our logic goes something like this: Our lives are pretty functional right now. Soon we'll have to add a baby to our lives, and at that point we will still have to function. Babies need food, a somewhat hygienic waste disposal system, and some sleep. If we figure these things out and manage to keep our child from ingesting terrible chemicals or falling from great heights, we'll consider ourselves a success.

This may not be the best system, but who's to say! Now here's the fun part. We started to compile some info on what we were hoping would work for us once our little Dragon Baby joined us. Slowly, at first, but after we gained some confidence, it became much easier. As our list of Parenting hopes and ideas grew, we found that some other people shared a few of our Instincts. This is how we found what some people call "Attachment Parenting". (hereafter in the blog refered to as AP)

   Ok, so it turns out we're not alone. But even among peers, a one-size fits all Parenting Plan simply will not work happily for all parties. Imagine our relief (especially The Hero's relief, as he said something like "I don't want us just subscribing to some system") when we found that at the heart of this AP thing, finding what works for you and your family as a whole unit is very important. Key elements are strong communication skills among family members, simplicity, balance, and trust.

   So Magical! So Wonderful! We were among the like minded! Right? Well...like any good thing, there are those few who just seem to miss the important stuff and cling to the details, right? Enter: The Extremists. I've found that among internet parenting circles these are the "Crunchy" moms. Their forum signature proudly proclaims how their baby was delivered by yaks on a mountaintop, They're breastfeeding their 3rd grader, no one in their family has vaccinations, they only wear natural fiber clothing grown, woven, and sewn by themselves, their whole family of eight sleeps in one bed, and none of their children were EVER diapered, since elimination communication is the only way to go! Now none of this is really a problem in and of itself, its what happens next that just really gets under my skin. So you stumble upon The Extremists online, but you're not quite aware of their MO yet. You see the signature, you may not know what all these abbreviations mean, but you've got a question and some gumption and by golly you're among friends, everyone seeking what will work for them, right?

    Wrong, now The Extremists are the Experts. You're back to square one, only you're a bad mom already for planning to use pacifiers, let your child have a goldfish cracker, or use disposable diapers. Bullies abound in the world, and the internet gives them a convenient hiding place. I guess I hadn't really thought of parents bullying parents before. I thought we were all on the same team. I had exchanged knowing looks among the other pregnant women and parents with infants as we walked through the city. I was in on the secret now, we were all just trying to do what's best and make it work, right? Not these parents, they were out to convince and judge. Among The AP Extremists I was pretty mainstream, I mean, my child would be born in a hospital after all, but on other parenting boards I was branded Crunchy. I found people expected me to judge them for their Parenting choices, overuse some caps lock and let them have it over formula feeding, epidurals, and disposable diapers. I was saddened. I just wanted us all to be on the same team!

   So here it is. This is the safe meeting place. I'll write about what works for us, probably about some things that we thought would work but don't, what we want to try, and what might work for others. If you have specific questions or suggestions for a post, please email me, I promise to write on any suggested topics. I'm an open book, and I don't mind addressing anything, taboo or not. I'm no Expert, and we don't know what we're doing, but we're doing the best we can!